I am pretty sure that every recipe for pistachio pudding that exists anywhere on the Internet or elsewhere is the direct result of the Kraft marketing department. This recipe is no such thing.

So, as has been well-established around here, I am all about comfort. And lately, I’ve been sick so I sent Nick to the store for something creamy with pistachios and he came back with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup ice cream – nothing like what I wanted exists. So when I was feeling mobile, I went to the Internet to find out how to make pistachio pudding, because I was too lazy to think about it on my own, and would you believe that every single recipe for pistachio pudding that I was able to find is based on three ingredients, namely Jell-O pistachio pudding, canned pineapple chunks, and baby marshmallows? I had never even heard of such a combination, but there it was, all up in my sick-face grill.

And then I was angry. Because the comfort food of my imagining was, in reality, mint-green, chunky, and gross – there was nothing unctuous and soothing about it. And as someone who had been vomiting a lot, there was no going there – I knew ahead of time how that was going to look.

Fortunately for everyone and the Internet, I am feeling much, much better. And, Angry Emily is Motivated Emily and she gets shit done. The result is that I’ve come up with something I think you’ll really, really like. It’s smooth, creamy, nutty, the right amount sweet, and every bit as unctuous as it needs to be. If I was going to serve this to fancy company, I’d divide it cleanly between six ramekins and serve each with a discerning dollop of whipped cream. Otherwise, pour it into a bowl and serve it with a less discerning, more gluttonous fwop! of whipped cream. Do what you need to do.

Pistachio pudding

  • 1/2 cup unsalted whole pistachio nuts
  • 1 tbsp. butter
  • 1 tbsp. honey
  • 2 tbsp. cornstarch
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 cup cream
  • 1 tsp. vanilla
  • Pinch salt

In a pan over medium-high heat, toast pistachio nuts for one to two minutes, until you can smell them. Pour them into a blender or the bowl of a food processor.

Purée with butter and honey. It’s not essential that this form a paste, but get it as close as you can.

In a medium saucepan over medium-high heat, whisk together cornstarch and sugar. Pour pistachio mixture into the pan, whisk to combine. Pour in milk and cream, and bring to a boil.

Boil for one minute, and remove from heat. Whisk in vanilla and salt.

Pour mixture into a bowl through a mesh sieve. Taste as you go. As if you’ll be able to resist.

Cover the top of the pudding with plastic, and place in the fridge to set, two to three hours. Serve with too much whipped cream.

In other creamy food news, I made this “super easy homemade yogurt” and it was every bit as super easy as it promised it would be. It is amazing. The recipe produces a litre of yogurt (about four cups), and costs a fraction of what you’d pay for the same amount of yogurt in-store. I sweetened mine with honey and flavoured it with vanilla bean, but even plain it would be fantastic. So, go. Get the best dairy products you can, and make your own. It feels amazing to know that what you can make at home is a bijillion times better that what you can buy, and that making your own is cheaper. And the effort is minimal. There’s no reason not to get started right now for your Monday breakfast.