And now for something completely different. Also? Pork Wellington.

Okay. So. I had an idea today, and bear with me, because this is the first time I’ve ever done this and also I was drunk. Which sounds like an excuse for crime or being in porn. No one’s ever invited me to participate in either.

And I now hate my own cartoonish square face. And my voice.

I taped myself assembling a pork wellington inspired by Laura Calder and something similar she made with beef. I think I also saw Alton Brown make something similar once. Also, the only time I’ve ever been on rolling film I’ve been inebriated, which obviously means I was awesome it wasn’t – and continues to not be – my fault. For whatever. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses.

Anyway, if you hate my face or if my awkwardness makes you horribly uncomfortable or if you can’t hear a word of what I said in the video, let me know, and I’ll either do better next time or hang my head in shame and never cook again.

The recipe and instructions are after the video, just in case.

(I have to preemptively apologize for everything in case you think I take myself seriously, and thus think I’m some sort of douchebag. Neither is the case, I promise. Unless you think I’m a douchebag for using “thus” in a sentence. For that, I have no defense.)

Pork Wellington

  • 1 cup oaked chardonnay
  • 1 tsp. butter
  • 1/2 cup dried cranberries
  • 1 package puff pastry, rolled out (one square, or one sheet if you buy it in rolls)
  • 6 pieces thinly sliced prosciutto
  • 1 tbsp. olive oil
  • 1/2 tsp. dried rosemary
  • 1/2 tsp. dried thyme
  • 1/2 tsp. dried sage
  • 1 pork tenderloin, sliced down the centre
  • 1/2 cup toasted chopped hazelnuts
  • salt and pepper, to taste
  • 1 egg, beaten

Preheat oven to 400°F.

In a small saucepan, simmer cranberries in chardonnay and butter until plump, six to eight minutes. Set aside.

Roll out puff pastry on a floured surface until it’s large enough to completely wrap your pork tenderloin. Drizzle with olive oil (a step I forgot in the video), and then lay out your prosciutto. Sprinkle with herbs.

Place pork tenderloin in the centre. Spread apart, and spoon the winy cranberries into the opening. Add the hazelnuts, press to pack, and then sprinkle with salt and pepper, as much or as little as you’d like.

Paint edges of pastry with beaten egg, and fold over pork. Pat to ensure the thing is sealed, and then place on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes. I told you you should bake it until it’s 140 degrees, but, in all honesty, I don’t care about the rules and I baked it until it was about 135°F in the centre of the meat. It’s better that way. You won’t die of swine flu or whatever people think happens when your pork tenderloin is a tiny bit pink in the middle.

Let this sit for a few minutes before serving. I made a simple gravy out of some beef stock, a touch of wine, some garlic, rosemary, salt, pepper, cornstarch (to thicken), and mushrooms, and served it all with potatoes. We ate healthily yesterday, so I figure this meal makes up for it. Very simple, earthy, and an excellent start to fall.

Porkstravaganza.

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10 thoughts on “And now for something completely different. Also? Pork Wellington.

  1. Something about porn in the first paragraph and then pork. That’s about all I retained, because the combination excited/confused me.

    Actually, I just can’t watch the video at work. No sound card. I will have to follow along later at home!

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  2. OMG that Aldon Brown episode I randomly watched a week ago and set my sites an creating this very meal… and now I’ve been mad scooped.

    You will RUE THIS DAY EMILY!!!

    (I guess i’ll use your handy video to assist the creation of my ones-of-these… I assume its informative (can’t see youtube at work) and features an adorable dress)

    Like

  3. Linda and Greg – thanks! And now I know that this dress is NOT appropriate for the office … which would have been useful to know about a year ago when I started wearing it regularly. Palm? Meet forehead.

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  4. (1) Thank you for your sweet comment — though I am rather skeptical about my powers of enchantment. However.

    (2) I don’t eat meat (with the very occasional bacon exception) but the end product there is still awfully pretty.

    (3) Yes! Adorable dress! Screw office-appropriateness (or don’t, because that would also probably be fairly inappropriate).

    Like

  5. I loved the video! Can you get drunker next time and do the Julia Child impression while you’re at this? I have a feeling you’d be very entertaining AND helpful 🙂

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  6. You are amazing. Soon your own cooking show, MUHAHA! I need to get better and come over so I can help you finish these amazing meals (I KNOW you throw out leftovers!!).

    Like

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